Easier said than done.

I chose to sit on the dock of my pond while my mother watched my boys in the house. I wanted to see if I could make it five minutes meditating without my brain wondering. I failed.

I don’t even think I lasted a minute before I started worrying about what my toddler was doing. I was so mad at myself, but I had read how common this was and I needed to give myself some grace and try again. I was able to use the tip to try and feel where the breath was coming from (in my case, my chest.) I tried over several days on my dock to focus strictly on my breathing. Each time, my mind wandered. I decided to add more to focus on to try and drown out my brain chatter. I allowed myself to focus on my breathing, the sensation of the breeze hitting my body, and the sounds of the frogs and ducks in my pond. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to keep me focused for more than a minute each time.

Again, giving myself grace, I accept that this is a normal and common struggle in meditation. Given my current state of mind, it seems whenever I settle, my thoughts return to the death of my best friend whom I miss more with each passing moment. However, I found that this break from my children and the chaos in the home was immediately noticed. And although my brain wandered back to my sadness, I was able to feel a sense of peace in my grief for those few moments; and I know these quiet, reflective moments helped me get through the day a little easier.