Hot Mess Mamma and Meditator.

Two of my biggest struggles are anxiety and stress. I had long heard of mediation being a great approach to combat these struggles and there is moderate evidence showing that meditation works to improve anxiety and depression. Meditation can reduce emotional reactivity which I was able to notice almost immediately, despite not being able to meditate for a long period of time. Research has shown that mindfulness mediation helps us to disengage from emotionally stressful situations so that we can focus better on cognitive tasks. Instead of walking in my home and focusing on the mess, I was able to sit down and focus on playing a game with my children. This decrease in reactivity is very important to me. I don’t want to be as reactive as I have allowed myself to be before. In my readings I found:

“Moore and Malinowski (2009) compared a group of experienced mindfulness meditators with a control group who had no meditation experience on measures assessing their ability to focus attention and suppress distracting information. The meditation group had significantly better performance on all measures of attention and had higher self-reported mindfulness. Mindfulness meditation practice and self-reported mindfulness were correlated directly with cognitive flexibility and attentional functioning.” (Davis & Hayes, 2012)

This is exactly what happened when I was able to suppress the distractions of my surroundings in order to focus on spending time and being present with my children.

One result that I did not experience in my short time meditating was a reduction in careless eating. I struggle with emotional eating, and I have struggled my entire life. In the past five years I have been able to lose over one hundred pounds and have worked diligently to keep it off. However, after the death of Enzo’s father, I saw my old ways sneaking back in. I look forward to continuing my meditation practices so that it can help reduce my emotional eating urges. Even though studies have shown that mindfulness training alone will not aid in weight loss, I know that it will help me to continue to be more aware of when I am emotionally eating.

I also noticed that I did not need to step outside for a cigarette immediately after I put my children to bed. While I still found myself smoking before I went to bed, the typical craving that I caved into seemed to have been minimal on nights that I meditated. I hope that by continuing meditation, it will help to reduce my cravings as it has proved to help others in different studies.

I was surprised and appreciative that I found, on numerous websites, that meditation alone cannot help everyone and every ailment. I know that I will need to continue to see my therapist while I process my grief, I know that my body depends on my medications to keep my moods corralled. I also now know that I have this additional tool to use to help me. It was another layer of self-help to self-health that gave my body an overall sense of peace, even if it was just for those twenty minutes after practice. I will definitely be continuing the hot mess mamma meditation, and maybe, eventually, I will be less of a hot mess.

"Alexa- Find my Zen."

"Alexa- Find my Zen." Oh how I wish it was that easy....

After my moments of meditation on my dock, I immediately felt different. Although I was not able to find my complete zen from sitting on the worn out wood over the pond, I felt an additional sense of peace that I usually don’t have at 7:30 PM on weeknights. I returned to my noisy, chaotic home and instantly could only hear the laughter from my boys. It made me smile because my first reaction was to not come in the house and feel overwhelmed by the mess on the floor, or see the dishes on the table. Those few minutes alone provided me with some lingering minutes of peace and calm that I otherwise wouldn’t have felt had I not taken the time to pause.

I have only meditated about five times since the assignment was given. It is hard to say that it has significantly improved any social relationship, and I know that I am no where near being able to control my easily distracted brain. Yet the past week has given me the insight into what I can do when I feel overwhelmed. Even if it is just taking a break in my car for a few minutes before going into my house at night. We are so used to always being on the go, cramming as much as we can into our lives and our schedules, that we don’t automatically give ourselves the space to decompress the weight that comes with all of that. My nights seemed slightly easier after having those few minutes to decompress and calm myself. It also made the dinner mess a lot easier to look at and ignore while I played on the floor with my children.

Easier said than done.

I chose to sit on the dock of my pond while my mother watched my boys in the house. I wanted to see if I could make it five minutes meditating without my brain wondering. I failed.

I don’t even think I lasted a minute before I started worrying about what my toddler was doing. I was so mad at myself, but I had read how common this was and I needed to give myself some grace and try again. I was able to use the tip to try and feel where the breath was coming from (in my case, my chest.) I tried over several days on my dock to focus strictly on my breathing. Each time, my mind wandered. I decided to add more to focus on to try and drown out my brain chatter. I allowed myself to focus on my breathing, the sensation of the breeze hitting my body, and the sounds of the frogs and ducks in my pond. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to keep me focused for more than a minute each time.

Again, giving myself grace, I accept that this is a normal and common struggle in meditation. Given my current state of mind, it seems whenever I settle, my thoughts return to the death of my best friend whom I miss more with each passing moment. However, I found that this break from my children and the chaos in the home was immediately noticed. And although my brain wandered back to my sadness, I was able to feel a sense of peace in my grief for those few moments; and I know these quiet, reflective moments helped me get through the day a little easier.

Whose idea was this?

Mindfulness-based approaches have increased in popularity over recent decades. Meditation is a technique that is practiced to rest our minds and attain a level of consciousness that is different from our normal waking state. Meditation has been used for centuries to aid in calming and relaxation, helping to reduce brain chatter. This approach can also help those struggling with illness, improve psychological balance, and overall health and well-being. Some common conditions that meditation helps with are: lack of focus, pain, high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, insomnia, and smoking cessation. Since I struggle with anxiety, ADD, depression, and am insanely stressed and sad these days, I thought meditation would be a great approach to try.



A majority of our behavior runs on autopilot. Our thoughts roaming and not controlled, or being present in the moment. This happens to me a lot when I am spending time with my children. Instead of soaking in the moments of their snuggles and their laughter or conversation, my mind is racing- What is for dinner? How fast can we get their homework done before bath time? Did I leave the clothes in the washer machine again? If I don’t do laundry today, is there enough clean underwear for tomorrow? Am I supposed to pay the daycare bill tomorrow or next week? It’s endless and exhausting. While those are all really important matters to attend to, I want to be present in those moments with my children, and gain some more control over my focus.

Finally, of all the choices, meditation seemed to be the most conducive to my schedule and the craziness. I didn't have to leave my house. I didn't have to make it to a yoga class at a specific time and worry about child care. I could just squeeze it in at my own home, not having to haul two children to another location.

I read that when you mediate, you give yourself an inner vacation. And what tired mom doesn’t need that?

It is also incredibly simple to do on your own, but difficult to accomplish successfully in the beginning.

1. Find a quiet area to sit or lie comfortably.

2. Close your eyes. Breathe naturally and make no effort to control your breathing.

3. Focus on your breathing and how your body moves with both inhales and exhales. One tip is to focus on where you are feeling your breath the most. In your chest? Your nose? This can help keep your focus on your breathing.

4. If your attention wanders, focus back on your breathing.

Beginners can usually only do this for a couple minutes before their mind begins to wander. However, you can work up to longer periods of time with practice.

Hello everyone! Welcome to my blog where we will see if meditation can help this hot mess mamma! Perhaps you too are a hot mess.

My name is Cristina, mother of two very active boys, Enzo and Luca. I always wanted to be a mother. I envisioned myself having 6 children, just like my grandmother. After two, it's gonna be a hard pass for me.

My oldest Enzo is turning 10 next month.

He is the sweetest, most caring and sympathetic soul I have ever met. The perfect child. Never a problem in school, every teacher's favorite, and the best big brother a kid could ask for.

The other one? Let's just say that if I had him first, he would be the only child.

I thought I had figured this whole parenting thing out with my first. Man...no one prepares you for the difference in personalities!

He is head strong, very particular, and someone must be giving him a daily IV of redbull. But, he's pretty adorable so we have kept him around.

I have never been the type to have it all together. I have always been kind of a hot mess, even before children. So I can't blame my current state entirely on them. I need to be fair.

Life is crazy with two kids. Add in a job that I work 70+ hours a day, a two hour a day commute, full time online student, boy scouts, drama club, swim lessons...all while trying to keep my offspring alive.

On top of all that, this year has been especially stressful. Enzo's dad was hit and killed while riding his motorcycle to work last summer. Even though we weren't together, we were best friends and had the most AH-MAZING coparenting situation. He even was taking care of my youngest when his father bailed on us. To say that this transition has had a profoundly tragic and gut wrenching impact, it would be an understatement. He was the glue and the cheerleader who kept us in line, pushing ahead through the daily chaos.

Needless to say, an assignment that pushes me to find something to help with all of this chaos and stress is appreciated, and way overdue. It has to be better than my current coping mechanisms.